Right now, I'll tell you I DO NOT SEW (at least on a machine). I haven't sewn from a pattern since Jr. High (the "olden days") when we made those goofy dresses with the zippers & darts (hmmm...do clothes have darts in them anymore? I'll have to check.) I have a sewing machine, just in case I HAVE to do something very simple, but that's it. It pretty much just helps keep dust off of other stuff--it all flocks to the machine.
Anyway, I went to Joann's (the major fabric store here) yesterday with Jodi & the kids to check out fabric for some new valances & a decorative pillow for my bedroom that I'm redecorating. We found some really nice material, but it was going to be WAY expensive, so I decided before I get it, I would check at one of my favorite stores--Bed Bath & Beyond for pre-made valances. (They have the most awsome coupon policy!!) Meanwhile, my expert (Jodi) took the kids to swim lessons.
So, I checked Bed Bath & Beyond & was shocked at the cost of the valances that I wanted ($59 each & I needed 4!). That didn't even count the sheers that I might need. So, back to Joann's I went...Yeah, I do that a lot. Can't make up my mind & I go back & forth for the best deal. I also stand in front of things for the LONGEST time trying to "decide." (I probably look like I'm a mannequin standing there for so long.) So, ok...this time I'm at Joann's without Jodi, the person who sews everything. I get the pattern, the material, thread, and the decorative cording & shuffle over to the cutting counter, where Jodi has promised me, "they will help you figure out how much material you need Mom, don't worry." Well, I get up to the lady & show her the pattern, tell her I don't sew & ask her if she can help me. She immediately says, "don't look at me...", turns to her co-worker who immediately says, "don't look at me..." I knew I was in trouble. GREAT! The lady took the pattern, huffily I might add, looked at it, looked at it again & said, "I don't know." (AREN'T THEY SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO FIGURE HOW MUCH MATERIAL YOU NEED? I THOUGHT THEY ALL COULD DO THAT!) So, I take the pattern back & proceed to figure stuff, in my head, which is all jumbled from my old age, having children & grandchildren who took most of my brain cells, & all the meds I take. Ok, so I guessed at the yardage which took me a while & of course the lady kept getting all impatient shifting from one foot to the other.
Then, I had to figure out how much cording I would need. If you've ever seen the "Notions" part of a pattern, you can understand that for someone like me, it can be confusing especially when there's 2 types of cording that I would need. It was in the language of "SEW." I asked her if she knew what certain things meant. AGAIN with the "I don't know." By now, I'm pretty frustrated because I was promised by "someone" that they are experts & would help me. FINALLY, on my own I figured out the cording & guess what??? They didn't have enough of one of them! Who knew you would need 10 yards of decorative cording just for some valances! I asked her to put the material to the side while I shuffled back to see if there was some other cording I could use.
Once I decided on different cording, after standing around like a mannequin again, I shuffled back to the counter. There, I took number "99" from the number machine "to help serve you better" (yeah, sure...) They were on number "94" but there were only 2 other people there & one was already being helped. Hmmm....so the other clerk hollers "95!" Looks around...no one answers. Hollers again...no answers again. She asks this older lady what her number is--number "98," & the older lady goes up to the counter & proceeds to put down her stuff. The clerk hollers "95!" again. Hmmm...finally, she gets this disgusted look on her face because the older lady hadn't walked right up to where the clerk had been standing (which was in this teeny tiny corner where she couldn't do anything anyway). Finally, my turn. I didn't even wait for the lady to call "99" because I was the only one left waiting. Guess what? I got the same clerk again. She gets all huffy because apparently now she has to print up a whole new ticket to add the cording I just brought up. She couldn't just make an additional ticket?? Well, ok fine, I just want to get out of there. She does her "job," hands me my stuff & I start to leave. By then, the other clerk was done with the older lady & she hollers "99!" I turned around & said, "I was 99 & have already been helped." If looks could kill...the 2 clerks proceeded to stare each other down over a number! I was outta there so fast. Nothing good about 2 clerks with scissors. Of course, they probably couldn't measure the distance between each other anyway, so really no danger there.
Now, here's where I really have some fun people...I get up to the cashier who rings everything up. I've had this cashier before & she's the S L O W E S T cashier there & talks her way through the process every time. Not my day! So, she finally tells me how much the whole thing is going to be & guess what?? Just $20 less than what I figured I could buy them already made up for at my favorite store--Bed Bath & Beyond!! Just so you know, you can't bring already cut material back once you've paid for it, but...I hadn't paid for it yet. Ha! I got the last laugh! I decided I didn't want the valance material--only the pillow material. So, the cashier had to have another clerk go back, ask the "cutter" lady which ones to "take off" (I could have told her that because remember, I do not sew but I guess I know as much about fabric as the "cutter" lady.)
I got REALLY pretty valances from my favorite store, Bed Bath & Beyond, who has the most awesome coupon policy! After using my multiple coupons & a $25 off card that had expired (they always let you use multiple & expired coupons), the total cost of the valances was almost the same amount & a lot less hassle!! They even smiled.
